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Author Topic: Dealing with the realities of transitioning  (Read 483 times)

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Offline OzGirl

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #20 on: January 28, 2020, 11:52:39 PM »
Hi folks,

  From the time I found out about gender dysphoria and that it described me to a T. I knew transitioning was what I needed to do. So I obtained some HRT medications and went for it. Yes, I started doing it my way. I soon fixed that by telling my doctor and have been working with him ever since. Yes, this is the right thing for me to be doing.
  However all good things come with a price to pay. My price was the loss of a relationship with my daughter, son in law, and my 5 grand children. Because of this I went into a deep depression. I no longer had a reason to live. My purpose in life was gone. I made a plan to commit suicide. I was only waiting for the right time. Spring.... so I could surround myself in a quiet pretty place surrounded by growing / blooming things and the sounds of life around me. I came within a couple of weeks of carrying out my demise.
  Fortunately, I was still talking to friends. one who knew exactly what I was going through. She helped me through the worst of it. I did listen to a couple of friends and told my therapist that I was thinking of doing myself in. He recommended an antidepressant, as did two of my friends, that I still take today. That was the thing I did right. I went to therapy and talked with friends. It then became a race to see which would occur first. Spring getting sprung or the pills starting to work. Well the pills won but as I said it was close. I started to feel a bit better but I hadn't put aside my plans yet. I became able to go visit a few friends and doing so helped some also. What finally banished the thoughts of suicide was visiting with Michelle and falling in love again when I still thought I had no reason to continue living. Michelle has given me another reason to live. There is a new hope and desire to live.
  As I said, I still take the antidepressant. I am afraid to stop taking it for fear my depression will return. It wasn't my first brush with it. I have had a couple of down events when thought of my children and grand children come to haunt me. The hurt is still there. I fear further disappointment and depression occurring. I sometimes feel on the edge of a precipice about to fall.
  I dream now. I don't remember dreaming much at all before. Frequently in these dreams, I am making an effort to flee from those who wish to hurt me. I am usually successful in doing so only to realize that I am hopelessly lost and cannot find my way back to safety. Try as I might I cannot find my way. I am restless in my sleep. Occasionally i awake in a panic covered in sweat. 

  I am happier these days since starting transition, but it has cost me to do so. I have my demons I have yet to reconcile. the cost has been high, but I will never go back because I am finally me.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Laurie, I really feel for you. I fought transition as I didn't want to risk losing my kids and grandkids, but dysphoria almost killed me, so I had to start HRT to survive. Shortly after starting, I realised I had put everything at risk, and entered a very dark 5 months. I was sure I would end up alone and not able to live as a man or woman. Many times I wondered what was the point. It worked out ok for me, but I still remember those dark months. It is so good you found Michelle and gave your life meaning. I wish you happiness, and maybe some day a miracle.

Hugs,

Allie
Knew I was a girl in 1958, told my mother. Dressed regularly at home from 2000, started HRT March 2019, Full time April 2020, GRS scheduled for January 2021

Offline Kenna

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #21 on: January 29, 2020, 11:14:55 PM »
Katie,
Finally getting back to you.  You seem to have the advantage of darker hair and should be able to make good use of laser or IPL.  As well as being quicker and cheaper than electrolysis it has the advantage that you need not stop daily shaving.  The only evidence that anyone could possibly notice, but almost certainly wouldn't, is that your 5 o'clock shadow becomes less prominent, and would eventually never occur.  My beard is almost entirely grey and even when I have a few day's growth, currently a very thinned out goatee and some fine re-growth hairs on my cheeks and jaw-line, nobody notices.  If you're eventually left with a few grey hairs after laser has done it's work, you'd be in a similar position as me now.

Offline Linde

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #22 on: January 29, 2020, 11:49:30 PM »
If you're eventually left with a few grey hairs after laser has done it's work, you'd be in a similar position as me now.
And at that time, the pure torture called electrolysis starts!  Nature was very kind to me and gave me the mutation called hypogonadism, which means, my body produced hardly any testosterone, and so this stuff could not do anything real nasty to me.  However, that little T that i had, was enough to give me some beard growth, of almost glass like looking hair.  Not much, I have to shave once a week, but I want it mostly gone, and electrolysis is the only treatment that works for this kind of hair.

Hugs
Linde
« Last Edit: February 14, 2020, 06:18:30 PM by Linde »
If life deals you lemons, make the best out of them, make lemonade, or put them into your bra to make it look like you have big boobs!

Offline Kenna

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #23 on: January 30, 2020, 03:14:04 AM »
Electrolysis is manageable.  Assuming you have a good electrologist, you will trial different levels to find the that which has tolerable pain but minimises cost.  Higher intensity is more painful but takes less time, so generally costs less cost in the long term.  Reduced intensity and less pain means that each hair needs to be treated for longer and thus slower results and higher costs.
I personally prefer the multi-probe galvanic method over the single probe hybrid system as I find it results in less regrowth and consequently should take less time overall, but the single probe system seems to be more common where I live.  Pain can be managed in both systems as I described above.

Offline OzGirl

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #24 on: January 30, 2020, 03:28:59 AM »
Kenna, My Salt and pepper turned out to be mostly salt, and nearly all the dark hairs went in the first two sessions. The good part was no beard shadow, and even 2 days growth is hardly visible, but the down side is endless electrolysis. My operator uses single probe and I estimate 3-4 hairs per minute, so it's slow going. I am noticing some thinning, but I am feeling more pain and it's taking longer for healing. She said my skin is reacting and tightening earlier in the session.

Allie
Knew I was a girl in 1958, told my mother. Dressed regularly at home from 2000, started HRT March 2019, Full time April 2020, GRS scheduled for January 2021

Offline Kenna

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #25 on: January 31, 2020, 01:49:17 AM »
Allie, the rate seems to be similar between the single and multi-probe systems (the multi-probe was about 2 minutes per hair but 8 probes per electrologist - in my previous case, one on each side working together) but, as I said, there seems to be less re-growth with the multi-probe system, making it the better option.  Unfortunately the service I was using closed down due to an injury to one of the operator's shoulder. 
-Kenna

Offline Moni

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #26 on: February 14, 2020, 05:40:31 PM »

So, fellow members, what setbacks, challenges, or disappointments did you face in coming out, transitioning, or any other point in your journey?

I transitioned in my 50's, so I had really run out of my ability to be patient for any part of my transition. My heart goes out to those who have lost people close to them. I am incredibly happy to have only lost one part of my family due to a 'southern' upbringing from the husband of my niece. Had my sister lived, she would have straightened him out quick, I think. Back to the waiting aspect. I had this terrible fear that something might happen to stop my surgeries from happening. It was a roller coaster in those days. One thing or another would threaten my surgeries and both my partner and  I feared for my mental health if surgery was canceled. I ended up with my facial surgery, the first, being the hardest. I had to have 5 surgeries to repair her 'work.' My GCS and BA, but especially my GCS, was a fun time. I look back so fondly on that time. It was such an adventure and a dream come true.

My most nervous time was telling about 90 coworkers that I was trans and would transition the following school year. I don't speak in front of crowds well, but I have to say that once I started, it was great to get it out there. I got done and I got a standing ovation and about 15 people stood in line to hug me. It was the exact opposite of what I expected. The funniest thing was this big teddy bear of a guy opening his arms wide to give me a hug and he says, 'Brother!' Lol, well, I liked the sentiment!

One hard part to me was the beginning when I first started going out. My presentation wasn't what I wanted and I was not comfortable looking more gender fluid. Getting sir'ed a lot was no fun. But it gets better with time.

Online Katie

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #27 on: February 14, 2020, 07:22:55 PM »
I'm starting to get "ma'amed" sometimes, even when presenting as male. That's a really cool feeling. But I feel very stuck where I am right now. My wife is not at all comfortable with me dressing female and surgeries are out of the question right now. I really hope I can at least get her to compromise and agree that I should have an orchi. I would love to at least do that.

One of our church's elders contacted me today asking me to meet with him. Keep in mind that he knew that my grandfather died this morning. He felt of all days this was the appropriate day to ask me to come meet with him next week. I couldn't believe the audacity. I told I will meet with him on Tuesday, one on one. If anyone else shows up I am gone. If he shows up and hasn't done any homework on gender dysphoria and the effectiveness of medical treatments, I won't waste my breath talking to him. If the conversation becomes disrespectful or biased, I am leaving. We'll see how things go.

My wife is actually showing signs of sympathy. Still not comfortable with how I'm starting to look, but she also knows I don't feel suicidal anymore and that's a huge improvement. She likes playing with my hair now that I have grown it out a bit.

I just have to take it one day at a time.

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and shall be till I die".
William Cowper

Offline Linde

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #28 on: February 14, 2020, 08:02:50 PM »
Good decision Katie!  If this elder starts to be stupid, show him very respectfully your middle finger, and let him be there shocked or whatever.

It might be a good sign that your wife likes to play with your hair, she might even enjoy playing with your boobs, and could live this way that side of hers without feeling guilty?

Hugs
Linde
If life deals you lemons, make the best out of them, make lemonade, or put them into your bra to make it look like you have big boobs!

Offline pamelatransuk

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #29 on: February 15, 2020, 05:29:44 AM »
Hello Katie

Sorry to hear of your bereavement, my thoughts are with you.

Certainly not the best time for the elder to contact you.

I hope the meeting on Tuesday 18th goes successfully such that you may get your message across and that he may understand and respect you.

Hugs

Pamela  xx

HRT 8th February 2018
Fulltime 29th June 2019

Offline Moni

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #30 on: February 15, 2020, 07:28:32 AM »
Katie, sorry for your loss of your grandfather! I like the attitude you are having regarding talking with the church elder. You have nothing to be ashamed of, stand your ground! You go, Girl!

Offline Donica

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #31 on: February 15, 2020, 01:01:40 PM »
Hi Katie! I'm so sorry to hear of your grandfather's passing. All my best wishes to you and yours.

Most of the issues I experienced were before I started transitioning. They were very much like Laurie's description with one exception. I'm afraid I crossed that spring threshold Laurie spoke of. I was not able to continue living as the person society told me I was supposed to be. Luckily, the item of choice for my demise turned out to be less dependable than I had previously experienced. This was the beginning of my transitioning. I knew I had to do this or I would not survive.

The loss of my health, house and then a divorce, although sounding bad, was the break I needed to transition without interference. Once I started HRT, I hit the ground running and haven't looked back. I've already had FFS but was denied a BA. It's a Kaiser thing. As Moni stated, I too fear from the possible unforeseen denial of my bottom surgery for whatever reason, which I fear would put me back in that dark time. I know most people see FFS as the most important surgery because it's what the public sees, but for me, it's GCS that simply must happen. But, having gone through FFS with flying colors, with the exception of the debridement, the fear of denial for GCS should not be real. I will seek a second opinion for a BA, or go out of pocket, after I recover from GCS.

As for the rest of the fears we all experience, carriers, family, loss of friends, for the most part, have all turned out to be a big non-events. People are a lot more excepting these days than they were in the past. I have only lost two people in my life, one, when I came out to him, who was somewhat of a bigot anyway, and the other was my ex, 2 years after the divorce. I could not be happier with my decision to transition. Sorry for the long winded babbling on. I think it's important to our health not to put too much stock in the nightmare fears from the yesteryears.

Hugs!
Rebirth June 9, 2017. Started HRT August 22, 2017. Came out June 16, 2017, Full time July 9, 2018. Started FHR August 9, 2018.
Started VFT September 19, 2018, Name and Gender change October 19. 2018, FFS 09/06/2019, Progesterone 10/18/2019.

Online Katie

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #32 on: February 15, 2020, 01:16:42 PM »
I'm pretty fortunate that I don't think I will need FFS or breast augmentation. My face looks decent already, and my breasts are already big enough to look okay and aren't showing any signs of slowing down yet. I just need to lose some weight.

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"Some want to live within the sound
Of church or chapel bell;
I want to run a rescue shop,
Within a yard of hell".
C.T. Studd

"Redeeming love has been my theme,
and shall be till I die".
William Cowper

Offline Linde

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #33 on: February 15, 2020, 01:54:54 PM »
I'm pretty fortunate that I don't think I will need FFS or breast augmentation. My face looks decent already, and my breasts are already big enough to look okay and aren't showing any signs of slowing down yet. I just need to lose some weight.

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You are correct, you need laser for your facial hair (the sooner the better), and you should join me on my adventurous journey in search of a waistline!

Hugs
Linde
If life deals you lemons, make the best out of them, make lemonade, or put them into your bra to make it look like you have big boobs!

Online Katie

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #34 on: February 15, 2020, 02:54:40 PM »
@Linde I have a waistline, it is just much too large for my liking!

Sent from my SM-A205U using Tapatalk

"Some want to live within the sound
Of church or chapel bell;
I want to run a rescue shop,
Within a yard of hell".
C.T. Studd

"Redeeming love has been my theme,
and shall be till I die".
William Cowper

Offline Lexxi

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #35 on: February 15, 2020, 03:10:46 PM »
The loss of my health, house and then a divorce, although sounding bad, was the break I needed to transition without interference. Once I started HRT, I hit the ground running and haven't looked back. I've already had FFS but was denied a BA. It's a Kaiser thing. As Moni stated, I too fear from the possible unforeseen denial of my bottom surgery for whatever reason, which I fear would put me back in that dark time. I know most people see FFS as the most important surgery because it's what the public sees, but for me, it's GCS that simply must happen. But, having gone through FFS with flying colors, with the exception of the debridement, the fear of denial for GCS should not be real. I will seek a second opinion for a BA, or go out of pocket, after I recover from GCS.

Hi Donica,

I don't know if this will help or not, but I read somewhere that you just have to keep arguing with Kaiser about the need for a BA. I can't remember if I read it on Quora or where I read it, but someone said they had to have their therapist, then their doctor write letters to Kaiser saying that you have to have this to ease your dysphoria. And Kaiser eventually reversed their refusal and covered the surgery. Maybe do some digging and see if you can find others who have been approved, then you might eventually get approved too. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

I know that I'm going to have to eventually have FFS and voice surgery too if I ever hope to pass. But GCS is my number one focus right now. I HAVE to have that if I hope to start to feel complete. I'm just saving the FFS and voice surgery til the last thing though. Those are kind of for other people in my opinion.

Lexxi
Realized that I'm trans 5/20/19   Got letter for HRT 6/10/19  Came out to my mom 6/18/19
Started HRT 7/12/19

Offline Linde

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #36 on: February 15, 2020, 04:53:24 PM »
I know that I'm going to have to eventually have FFS and voice surgery too if I ever hope to pass.
Lexxi
Don't fixate yourself on the need to have voice surgery, because that is a type of surgery with an unpredictable outcome.  Way to many trans and even cis women had this surgery and they came out with a worce voice than they went into the surgery with!

Jillian (Sparkles) and Natalie are very good examples of what voice therapy can do.  Both had very deep base sounding voices, and both have excellent sounding female voices now.  No surgeon ever touched their vocal cords!

I see it even with my voice that had gone into the garbage sound pile, and with dedicated voice therapy I start to sound better and better again!  Just work on and with your voice, a lot can be done with it based on youtube videos, and you will see that it can get great sounding without surgery!  Just don't fixate yourself on that probably unrequired, pretty dangerous surgery!
And even facial might be not required, once estrogen did it's fat shoving around magic with your face!

Hugs
Linde
« Last Edit: February 15, 2020, 06:25:56 PM by Linde »
If life deals you lemons, make the best out of them, make lemonade, or put them into your bra to make it look like you have big boobs!

Online Katie

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #37 on: February 15, 2020, 05:03:52 PM »
@Lexxi , Linde is telling the truth. I have met Sparkles in person. Her voice is incredible. She could be a professional voice actor. And she let me hear her "old" voice. The difference was unbelievable. It is really incredible what good voice training can do. I've been practicing a lot and get ma'amed sometimes presenting totally male without any effort if I use my girl voice. Voice is one of the most powerful identity tools we have and voice training really can do amazing things.

Sent from my SM-A205U using Tapatalk

"Some want to live within the sound
Of church or chapel bell;
I want to run a rescue shop,
Within a yard of hell".
C.T. Studd

"Redeeming love has been my theme,
and shall be till I die".
William Cowper

Offline pamelatransuk

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #38 on: Yesterday at 05:33:27 AM »
I know most people see FFS as the most important surgery because it's what the public sees, but for me, it's GCS that simply must happen. But, having gone through FFS with flying colors, with the exception of the debridement, the fear of denial for GCS should not be real. I will seek a second opinion for a BA, or go out of pocket, after I recover from GCS.

Hugs!

Hello again Donica and Katie

I am also fortunate in not requiring FFS.

I had previously decided to have BA before GRS but to my surprise I have over the last few months seen further boob development and therefore BA is now on the back burner and my priority is GRS. For me BA may or may not be necessary but GRS I must have (even though I am mainly asexual).

Hugs

Pamela  xx
HRT 8th February 2018
Fulltime 29th June 2019

Online Katie

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Re: Dealing with the realities of transitioning
« Reply #39 on: Yesterday at 07:18:41 AM »


Hello again Donica and Katie

I am also fortunate in not requiring FFS.

I had previously decided to have BA before GRS but to my surprise I have over the last few months seen further boob development and therefore BA is now on the back burner and my priority is GRS. For me BA may or may not be necessary but GRS I must have (even though I am mainly asexual).

Hugs

Pamela  xx

My desire for GRS has always been my top priority, yet it remains the most elusive part of transition. I desire GRS more than all of the other stuff.

Sent from my SM-A205U using Tapatalk

"Some want to live within the sound
Of church or chapel bell;
I want to run a rescue shop,
Within a yard of hell".
C.T. Studd

"Redeeming love has been my theme,
and shall be till I die".
William Cowper