I know that women in particular are sensitive to things being witheld from them, and something like gender change would be a major thing! Also, if you kept your history secret, fell in love and made a life with someone, you have the worry someone will reveal your secret and destroy your relationship. The longer you are together, the higher the stakes become, and you are then open to ransom.
I couldn’t live with that hovering over me, or leave anything unsaid that could end my relationship.
Allie, it is understood without a question that I would reveal my past to a partner who would live with me for good. But at that point, our relation should be strong enough that it would not fall apart by me telling about my past. But many lesbian woman of my age have been closeted for a long time , and very often lived and were married to men. At this point in their life, finally free of a man, they don't want to have anything to do with a man anymore, and not even with a woman who was socialized as a man. Several budding relations I had broke apart, once I told the woman that i used to live as a man. Which means, by telling this to them, i did not even get the chance to com to a point that intimacy would even be a subject.
I think I learned my lesson, and don't mention my past anymore. I moved about 2000 miles away from the area in which I lived as a man, and the chances that my past will catch up with me soon, is very small! And, as Lexxi said, I am a genetic female, and can always say that I was forced to live as a man (which is true, cause i did no know better).
I almost have forgotten how my life as a man was, and even how I looked like as a man. I am not afraid anymore that i can make a mistake in talking about my former life as a man, cause that is so deep in my past that I never think or talk about it even to the friends here who knew me for a really short time as a man.
I do not have any problem with passing (my voice is coming back slowly), and that would not cause me to not be seen as a woman.
And to you and Lexxi, i have to say, wait until you had some time to live full time as a woman, you don't believe how much that helps you to pass, the confidence that you are a woman makes a lot of difference and makes you to pass!