I just wanted to share some recent things my wife has been struggling with and get your collective wisdom and advice on positive ways to respond.
I am trying to be patient and supportive of my wife. A bit more background is a 15 year marriage and recently out with my gender dysphoria. She is a very black/white evangelical christian. She has somewhat moved on from the you're an abomination and a perv thoughts, but she still has recurring arguments/discussion that I would like to get your help in responding. I have been doing my ever loving best in responding in love to her very natural confusion and anxiety.
1. How can you be married, love me, be with me intimately AND still have these thoughts/wants?
2. Won't accepting these thoughts and taking small steps necessarily lead to full transition?
3. Why did you date, marry, and have kids if you had these feelings?
4. This is not what God intended for you, or God's design.
5. Transition is going against God.
6. How are you going to live the rest of your life wanting to be different and not changing/transitioning?
7. How can we be a family if you transition? We will lose everything.
I'm only going to give thoughts on a few of these as my background is too far separated to provide useful input on directly religious questions. Hopefully there is still some use to you despite such different worlds.
1. Love for another has relatively little to do with being happy with oneself, just a sexuality and attraction have nothing to do with physical sex or neurological gender.
2.Accepting these thoughts may lead to a desire for full transition, but we balance desires against each other every day and don't have to fully follow every desire to lead a reasonably content life. In this case you will be seeking a balance between your need for your family and your need for transition and it may be that a partial transition (or a few small steps) will get you to a balance point where your dysphoria is moderated to a point you can live with and your change is not so great your family can't live with it. Unfortunately you won't know if you the small steps will be enough to bring your dysphoria to a point you can live with until you take them, so the need to fully transition will remain a definite possibility that neither of you should pretend doesn't exist.
3.This isn't one I have personal experience with as I only realized my nature much later, but my impression is most people who hide their dysphoria as they date/marry/procreate do so it the hope and mistaken belief that by embracing that life so completely their dysphoria will fade into the background or disappear. Most people don't understand what they're feeling well and do their best to lead the life they think they should, and everyone makes choices they might have changed if they had a more complete understanding of themselves and the world.
4&5. Can't speak to.
6.This is basically a different approach to the same concept as question 2. It all boils down to the strength of the need to change vs the strength of the need to not change your life too much and finding where the functional balance point between those two needs is. Only you will be able to answer that, and you may not have the depth of self knowledge yet to really do so. Hopefully with therapy, thought, and exploration of options you can find something at least close to an ideal balance point, but in the end it's a bit of guess and check for all of us as our understanding will never be perfect.
7.Not sure I'm well equipped to answer this one either as my world is so different, but I will say sometimes it's worth loosing things and rebuilding a stronger, happier place for yourself in the world. Knowing that doesn't make the process of loosing things less painful, but it may provide a light of hope to reach for when the darkness of loss gets overwhelming. Life is change, all we can do is try to shape that change as best as possible.