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Offline Linde

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What made you unhappy today
« on: February 13, 2020, 11:02:12 PM »
Today I was informed by the Mayo Clinic that my expected surgery date is now moved to the beginning of 2021! About a entire year from now, and I was hoping for summer of this year!

A very sad
Linde
If life deals you lemons, make the best out of them, make lemonade, or put them into your bra to make it look like you have big boobs!

Offline Katie

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2020, 11:17:33 PM »
Two things made me unhappy today.

The first was receiving a text from one of the church elders wanting to schedule a meeting between the board of elders and I about me being transgender. I don't see this being a positive thing and expect a gang ambush against me.

Second, and more importantly, was that my grandfather has been hospitalized due to his stage 4 lung cancer and he is in his final hours or perhaps days at most. He is doing that agonal breathing thing that dying people do. He is not conscious and doesn't exhibit any reflex or response to anything. I spent the evening in his hospital room with the family and it was difficult. He is still breathing as of right now, but chances of recovery are pretty much zero.

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"Some want to live within the sound
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and shall be till I die".
William Cowper

Offline Linde

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2020, 12:15:28 AM »
Two things made me unhappy today.

The first was receiving a text from one of the church elders wanting to schedule a meeting between the board of elders and I about me being transgender. I don't see this being a positive thing and expect a gang ambush against me.

Second, and more importantly, was that my grandfather has been hospitalized due to his stage 4 lung cancer and he is in his final hours or perhaps days at most. He is doing that agonal breathing thing that dying people do. He is not conscious and doesn't exhibit any reflex or response to anything. I spent the evening in his hospital room with the family and it was difficult. He is still breathing as of right now, but chances of recovery are pretty much zero.

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I feel bad for you because of your grandfather, but at that point one wishes it would be over fast.

I would tell the church elders to take a hike, either they want you as a member and take you the way you are, or they can go and fly a kite.  They need members, but members don't need them!

Hugs
Linde
If life deals you lemons, make the best out of them, make lemonade, or put them into your bra to make it look like you have big boobs!

Online OzGirl

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2020, 12:51:40 AM »
Katie, I feel for you going through this with your grandfather. This is how my father died, but we weren’t there at the time.

Personally I would welcome a meeting with the elders to make sure they understood your situation. And I wouldn’t back down. But then I got thrown out of my catholic college. Take the lead in the discussion and hold your ground.

Best wishes for both.

Allie
Knew I was a girl in 1958, told my mother. Dressed regularly at home from 2000, started HRT March 2019, Full time April 2020, GRS scheduled for January 2021

Online OzGirl

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2020, 04:56:51 AM »
Today I was informed by the Mayo Clinic that my expected surgery date is now moved to the beginning of 2021! About a entire year from now, and I was hoping for summer of this year!

A very sad
Linde

Oh Linde, that is devastating news :(  Is there any reason for this? Is the Mayo your only option? I know you have been waiting for so long just to get a date from them, so this is very disappointing. I really hope you can find a way to improve this situation.

Lots of hugs,

Allie
Knew I was a girl in 1958, told my mother. Dressed regularly at home from 2000, started HRT March 2019, Full time April 2020, GRS scheduled for January 2021

Offline Christine

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2020, 05:19:39 AM »
Hi Katie,                 14 February 2020

Sorry about your grandfather.

As for the church elders, ask them exactly what they want to discuss with you, If they won't give you a solid answer, tell them you're too busy or not interested. Since you know these folks, I think you should have a pretty good idea where they are coming from and what their agenda is.

Think of it this way: if they had no problem with you being trans, there'd be no reason for the meeting. You're not going to change their minds and they're not going to change yours, so why waste the time and possible attempt to shame and embarrass you. If it's a meeting of just you and a group of the elders, don't go.

Maybe it's time for you to find a new church or start one of your own.

Take care Katie and good luck.

Best  Always, Love

Christine
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"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." Andre Gide

Offline TonyaJanelle

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #6 on: February 14, 2020, 07:55:11 AM »


Today I was informed by the Mayo Clinic that my expected surgery date is now moved to the beginning of 2021! About a entire year from now, and I was hoping for summer of this year!

A very sad
Linde

Wow, that's a bigger push back than I got. 
I'd tell you to check out Dr Gast in Madison but think you'd be looking at a similar date by the time you got in for a consult and then scheduled.  Plus Minnesota in the winter.  Ouch.

Two things made me unhappy today.

The first was receiving a text from one of the church elders wanting to schedule a meeting between the board of elders and I about me being transgender. I don't see this being a positive thing and expect a gang ambush against me.

Second, and more importantly, was that my grandfather has been hospitalized due to his stage 4 lung cancer and he is in his final hours or perhaps days at most. He is doing that agonal breathing thing that dying people do. He is not conscious and doesn't exhibit any reflex or response to anything. I spent the evening in his hospital room with the family and it was difficult. He is still breathing as of right now, but chances of recovery are pretty much zero.

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Sorry to hear about your grandfather.
Can't imagine that meeting being positive for you.  I'd push it off as long as possible, especially with your grandfather dying. 

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Offline TonyaJanelle

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2020, 08:02:39 AM »
After today I technically no longer have a therapist.  The one I've been seeing for three and a half years is leaving the practice she's at.  She wont be doing this kind of counseling for a while at least.  Isn't anyone at that practice that I'd want to transfer to. 

I probably haven't needed to see her as much as I did (about every 3 weeks) for a while now.  I think the reason I'm feeling more bummed about it is that it was the closest thing I had to a friend that I could talk to face to face about transition and transgender stuff in general. 

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Offline Katie

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2020, 08:06:27 AM »
My grandfather passed at 7:08 a.m. this morning. 12 years ago on February 13, my grandmother Jean passed. I found it peculiar that there was a sign outside his room that said "Hi, Jean!". That he was crossing the finish line of his life on the same day she died was an irony that was not lost on me when I saw that sign. Almost like the Lord had put that there to let us know that he'd be reunited with her soon.



Just under two years ago, on March 6th, we lost my father to lung cancer. It was difficult watching another person die from it. I hate watching people die. I  fortunate that I had decided to go home and sleep and be with the kids this morning so I didn't have to witness the actual death. I have watched three other people die, and that last moment of a life as you watch it expire is something that you can't forget. It stays with you forever.

My grandfather and I both liked Johnny Cash, and would spend warm summer afternoons on his back porch listening Johnny Cash and other country western music. I think this song that Johnny and June did together is rather fitting for the situation.



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"Some want to live within the sound
Of church or chapel bell;
I want to run a rescue shop,
Within a yard of hell".
C.T. Studd

"Redeeming love has been my theme,
and shall be till I die".
William Cowper

Offline Linde

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #9 on: February 14, 2020, 09:16:33 AM »
I feel so sorry for you, Katie, but sadly, this is the way life goes, and we have to say goodbye to loved ones.

Feel very hugged!
Linde
If life deals you lemons, make the best out of them, make lemonade, or put them into your bra to make it look like you have big boobs!

Online OzGirl

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2020, 10:33:42 AM »
Condolences to you and your family Katie, I hope you can celebrate your grandfathers life and this maybe brings your family a little closer.

Lots of hugs,

Allie
Knew I was a girl in 1958, told my mother. Dressed regularly at home from 2000, started HRT March 2019, Full time April 2020, GRS scheduled for January 2021

Offline TonyaJanelle

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #11 on: February 17, 2020, 07:17:44 AM »
I had to send to corporate office of a local grocery chain.  It was late last night so have not heard back yet.  First transphobic incident I've had of any kind.

Tonight I stopped at the Menomonee
Falls location on my way back home to
Appleton. I stopped in the restroom
before I did my shopping and as I came
out of the stall was accosted by an
employee that appeared to be in the
restroom cleaning. She asked me if I
identify as female and then told me that
I needed to use the men's room. I
informed her that I would not, as I am
female, as my drivers license and
passport both indicate. She proceeded
to tell me that women don't feel safe,
thereby accusing me and transgender
women in general of being predators.
Also she is essentially telling me that
she knows that I am transgender based
on how I look. I do not need a reminder
of what I look like. She also followed me
out of the restroom claiming she would
report me (to whom and for what, I don't
know). I was upset and I turned around
because I was going to leave and not do
my shopping there this evening. She
then said something like "dont hurt me".
I decided to stay and do my shopping
because I want to believe that she was
not speaking for the company and is
just some one that is uninformed and in
need of additional sensitivity training.
So I would like to know what is your
corporate policy regarding transgender
people? I've not used a mens restroom
in over two and a half years since
started living full time as myself. This is
the very first time i've had an issue using
the women's restroom. As a last note, if
this employee claims to know anything
about any surgery I may or may not have
had, she is either lying or illegally
invaded my privacy.

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Online OzGirl

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #12 on: February 17, 2020, 10:18:16 AM »
Sorry to hear that Tonya. Did you get her name? In Australia, this action is illegal, and I am prepared to find a supervisor to report it to and I would follow up with a charge, so these people learn how serious this is. If corporate face legal action you can bet they will deal with the errant individual, and ensure training for the rest. These laws only protect us if we are prepared to enforce them.

Hugs,

Allie
Knew I was a girl in 1958, told my mother. Dressed regularly at home from 2000, started HRT March 2019, Full time April 2020, GRS scheduled for January 2021

Offline Linde

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #13 on: February 17, 2020, 05:11:39 PM »
This is terrible!  Which store was it, a Wisconsin wide chain?  I better test it the next time i am up, cuse I would not take it at all in a calm manner!  I hope you get a very good response from management!
And Ally, this is also illegal in Wisconsin, but what can you do, if people don't care whether it is legal or not?

Hugs
Linde
If life deals you lemons, make the best out of them, make lemonade, or put them into your bra to make it look like you have big boobs!

Offline Linde

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #14 on: February 17, 2020, 05:14:54 PM »
I had voice therapy today, and learned that I cannot swallow properly anymore, and that leaves a lot of mucus an my vocal cords, and make my voice sound pretty raspy.
I now have to do specific swallowing exercises for the entire week.
Who would have thoughten that one has to learn how to swallow properly?

Hugs
Linde
If life deals you lemons, make the best out of them, make lemonade, or put them into your bra to make it look like you have big boobs!

Online OzGirl

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #15 on: February 17, 2020, 06:02:25 PM »
And Ally, this is also illegal in Wisconsin, but what can you do, if people don't care whether it is legal or not?

Hugs
Linde

Oh, I am one to make sure they respect the law, even if means bringing charges against the company. If we don't exercise our laws, they become mute, and a couple of court cases will force the corporates to ensuring their employees are trained in LBGTQI issues, and not to expose the company to legal actions.

Allie
Knew I was a girl in 1958, told my mother. Dressed regularly at home from 2000, started HRT March 2019, Full time April 2020, GRS scheduled for January 2021

Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #16 on: February 17, 2020, 06:29:29 PM »
I would make it a point to talk with the store manager about the issue.

Offline Katie

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #17 on: February 17, 2020, 06:31:24 PM »
The only thing that made me unhappy today is that my youngest daughter is still sick with the flu. Otherwise it was a really good day. My best friend, Robert, and his wife and daughter drove down from Manitowoc, WI to be here for my grandfather's funeral and I just had dinner with them.

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"Some want to live within the sound
Of church or chapel bell;
I want to run a rescue shop,
Within a yard of hell".
C.T. Studd

"Redeeming love has been my theme,
and shall be till I die".
William Cowper

Offline TonyaJanelle

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Re: What made you unhappy today
« Reply #18 on: February 17, 2020, 07:26:40 PM »


Sorry to hear that Tonya. Did you get her name? In Australia, this action is illegal, and I am prepared to find a supervisor to report it to and I would follow up with a charge, so these people learn how serious this is. If corporate face legal action you can bet they will deal with the errant individual, and ensure training for the rest. These laws only protect us if we are prepared to enforce them.

Hugs,

Allie

I did not get a name but it should be fairly easy for them to figure out who was cleaning toilets late on a Sunday. 

This is terrible!  Which store was it, a Wisconsin wide chain?  I better test it the next time i am up, cuse I would not take it at all in a calm manner!  I hope you get a very good response from management!
And Ally, this is also illegal in Wisconsin, but what can you do, if people don't care whether it is legal or not?

Hugs
Linde

I've not gotten a response yet.  I believe it's a case of an a single employee and not the company. Assuming that to be the case, all I want is an apology and assurance that employees are trained and that particular employee gets some further training.  I know it probably won't change her mind, but hope she'd at least refrain from saying anything to anyone else.

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