Hi Katie, 14 February 2020
Sorry about your grandfather.
As for the church elders, ask them exactly what they want to discuss with you, If they won't give you a solid answer, tell them you're too busy or not interested. Since you know these folks, I think you should have a pretty good idea where they are coming from and what their agenda is.
Think of it this way: if they had no problem with you being trans, there'd be no reason for the meeting. You're not going to change their minds and they're not going to change yours, so why waste the time and possible attempt to shame and embarrass you. If it's a meeting of just you and a group of the elders, don't go.
Maybe it's time for you to find a new church or start one of your own.
Take care Katie and good luck.
Best Always, Love